I recently saw a trailer for a movie called "Young Adult". For those who have not seen it yet, the main premise of the movie centers on a woman who, after getting divorced, returns to her hometown to try and rekindle a romance with her ex-boyfriend, who is now married with children.
If by now two red flags haven't gone up in your mind, you probably won't enjoy the rest of this writing.
After the final seconds of the trailer played, the only thought that entered my mind was, "Really? THIS is a movie?" This is not a movie review (I haven't seen it, and take a guess as to whether I will). This is a post about how acceptable is has become in this country of ours to break other people in order to live the life we want. I hear it everywhere: radio, TV and movies. Enrique Iglesias' profane song "Tonight I'm Lovin' You" is based around a man at a club who is trying to cheat on his girlfriend with a woman he's been lusting over. This movie "Young Adult" centers on a woman who has no problems potentially breaking a family to pieces in order to fulfill her selfish desires. It's this kind of media that makes me angry to the utmost degree. These are only two examples of a poisonous ideology that is deeply rooted in our culture: infidelity is something to joke about, something to brag about and perfectly acceptable as long as you're not caught.
If you're rolling your eyes right now, let's look at some statistics from 2006:
53% of American marriages end in divorce
In 41% of marriages, one or both spouses admitted to physical or emotional infidelity
36% of men and women admitted to having an affair with a co-worker or on a business trip
57% of men admitted to having an affair in any relationship they've been in; 53% of women admitted the same
The average length of an affair is 2 years
74% of men and 68% of women say they would have an affair if they knew they wouldn't be caught
The numbers don't lie; infidelity is a huge problem in America. As you can see, even without looking at the people that HAVE had affairs, almost 75% of men and 70% of women in America WOULD do it if they had the chance. But how could so many people think and act this way?
Unfaithfulness ultimately stems from a mindset of apathy towards other people's feelings and a prioritizing of yourself above all others. There is no denying that cheating affects the person cheated on. Even if they never find out, cheating on them will affect your relationship for the worse. These negative effects are never portrayed in movies or music though. Infidelity is viewed as edgy, exciting and something that can be good and enjoyable if you can get away with it. This mindset is pathetic and destructive.
In the trailer for the movie, the main character confronts her ex-boyfriend with her feelings. When he shockingly responds that he's married, her reply is, "So?" That right there sums up a general attitude towards marriage that it does not mean anything. That is another post altogether. The point is that the concept of commitment has been entirely lost in our culture and it is destroying our nation one person at at time.
Isn't "destroying" a strong word? Maybe, maybe not. If you've been waiting for the point of this writing, this may be it: infidelity is one of the best ways to damage a person emotionally, psychologically and even physically for years after the offense.
This is the fact that so many in our nation won't own up to. If you were to look them in they eyes and bring to light the people they've left broken in their wake of self-gratification, I doubt they could look back at you. When you cheat on someone, you are taking away the one person in the world they thought they could trust. Even if they don't have loving parents, even if they have no friends, when you are in a relationship with someone, there is an expectation that you care about them enough to respect their feelings and there is an expectation that they can trust you. When that person stabs you in the back, the implications can be severe. They can develop trust issues and future people, good people will pay prices they shouldn't have to because of an incident in the past. There is also an immense pain in being betrayed by the one person you thought you could trust. I hope that this is seeming like less and less of a joke.
I'll pause to address some positives. There is grace and forgiveness, as with any sin, for those that have fallen, repented and turned their ways around. 31% of marriages in which an affair has been discovered still last, a testament to the power of true love and forgiveness. No one is perfect and I'm not coming down on those who fall and get back up again.
I'm coming down on those who don't believe they have fallen. I'm coming down on the two-faced liars who can look at themselves in the mirror every day and see nothing wrong. I'm coming down on the ones who are perfectly alright with breaking hearts and causing pain if it means they get what they want. I'm coming down on the ones who made a commitment to someone and don't take it seriously. The ones who don't have the decency or the spine to break up with a significant other but instead keep them in their back pocket as a safe option while they live a double-life of backstabbing. It's wrong. It's selfish. I'm tired of the media making it trendy and fueling the epidemic. If someone makes a lifestyle out of trampling over other people eventually they will collapse and they will live life alone, unable to hurt other people. Make the choice to live with integrity, take the high road, and sacrifice for someone else.
Men, be true men. Love ONE woman for your entire life. Don't be a coward and buy into the lies of the media; find absolute happiness, pleasure and fulfillment in the woman that God set apart especially for you. Women, if you don't know what you want, figure it out and don't play games with people's hearts. If you aren't ready for a relationship or a commitment, don't enter into one. God has high standards for us when it comes to love. The marriage commitment here on Earth is mean to model God's relationship with his bride. God loves us perfectly, is always faithful and always does what's best for us. All I want is to see a nation that values what God values: family, trust, honor and true, self-sacrificing love.
If by now two red flags haven't gone up in your mind, you probably won't enjoy the rest of this writing.
After the final seconds of the trailer played, the only thought that entered my mind was, "Really? THIS is a movie?" This is not a movie review (I haven't seen it, and take a guess as to whether I will). This is a post about how acceptable is has become in this country of ours to break other people in order to live the life we want. I hear it everywhere: radio, TV and movies. Enrique Iglesias' profane song "Tonight I'm Lovin' You" is based around a man at a club who is trying to cheat on his girlfriend with a woman he's been lusting over. This movie "Young Adult" centers on a woman who has no problems potentially breaking a family to pieces in order to fulfill her selfish desires. It's this kind of media that makes me angry to the utmost degree. These are only two examples of a poisonous ideology that is deeply rooted in our culture: infidelity is something to joke about, something to brag about and perfectly acceptable as long as you're not caught.
If you're rolling your eyes right now, let's look at some statistics from 2006:
53% of American marriages end in divorce
In 41% of marriages, one or both spouses admitted to physical or emotional infidelity
36% of men and women admitted to having an affair with a co-worker or on a business trip
57% of men admitted to having an affair in any relationship they've been in; 53% of women admitted the same
The average length of an affair is 2 years
74% of men and 68% of women say they would have an affair if they knew they wouldn't be caught
The numbers don't lie; infidelity is a huge problem in America. As you can see, even without looking at the people that HAVE had affairs, almost 75% of men and 70% of women in America WOULD do it if they had the chance. But how could so many people think and act this way?
Unfaithfulness ultimately stems from a mindset of apathy towards other people's feelings and a prioritizing of yourself above all others. There is no denying that cheating affects the person cheated on. Even if they never find out, cheating on them will affect your relationship for the worse. These negative effects are never portrayed in movies or music though. Infidelity is viewed as edgy, exciting and something that can be good and enjoyable if you can get away with it. This mindset is pathetic and destructive.
In the trailer for the movie, the main character confronts her ex-boyfriend with her feelings. When he shockingly responds that he's married, her reply is, "So?" That right there sums up a general attitude towards marriage that it does not mean anything. That is another post altogether. The point is that the concept of commitment has been entirely lost in our culture and it is destroying our nation one person at at time.
Isn't "destroying" a strong word? Maybe, maybe not. If you've been waiting for the point of this writing, this may be it: infidelity is one of the best ways to damage a person emotionally, psychologically and even physically for years after the offense.
This is the fact that so many in our nation won't own up to. If you were to look them in they eyes and bring to light the people they've left broken in their wake of self-gratification, I doubt they could look back at you. When you cheat on someone, you are taking away the one person in the world they thought they could trust. Even if they don't have loving parents, even if they have no friends, when you are in a relationship with someone, there is an expectation that you care about them enough to respect their feelings and there is an expectation that they can trust you. When that person stabs you in the back, the implications can be severe. They can develop trust issues and future people, good people will pay prices they shouldn't have to because of an incident in the past. There is also an immense pain in being betrayed by the one person you thought you could trust. I hope that this is seeming like less and less of a joke.
I'll pause to address some positives. There is grace and forgiveness, as with any sin, for those that have fallen, repented and turned their ways around. 31% of marriages in which an affair has been discovered still last, a testament to the power of true love and forgiveness. No one is perfect and I'm not coming down on those who fall and get back up again.
I'm coming down on those who don't believe they have fallen. I'm coming down on the two-faced liars who can look at themselves in the mirror every day and see nothing wrong. I'm coming down on the ones who are perfectly alright with breaking hearts and causing pain if it means they get what they want. I'm coming down on the ones who made a commitment to someone and don't take it seriously. The ones who don't have the decency or the spine to break up with a significant other but instead keep them in their back pocket as a safe option while they live a double-life of backstabbing. It's wrong. It's selfish. I'm tired of the media making it trendy and fueling the epidemic. If someone makes a lifestyle out of trampling over other people eventually they will collapse and they will live life alone, unable to hurt other people. Make the choice to live with integrity, take the high road, and sacrifice for someone else.
Men, be true men. Love ONE woman for your entire life. Don't be a coward and buy into the lies of the media; find absolute happiness, pleasure and fulfillment in the woman that God set apart especially for you. Women, if you don't know what you want, figure it out and don't play games with people's hearts. If you aren't ready for a relationship or a commitment, don't enter into one. God has high standards for us when it comes to love. The marriage commitment here on Earth is mean to model God's relationship with his bride. God loves us perfectly, is always faithful and always does what's best for us. All I want is to see a nation that values what God values: family, trust, honor and true, self-sacrificing love.
hahah been waiting for your blog post lol!!! you're very right about that...people don't seem to respect people anymore and it's now becoming more acceptable to even be open about that fact. people are blunt.. in a sense that they do not care. haha what a scary thought. keep writing friend!!!
ReplyDeleteSeems pretty basic but the heart is deceitful above all else, who can understand it? By the power of Christ we must strive to love as God has loved us; unconditionally, sacrificially, graciously.
ReplyDelete