Held Out With Open Hands

Lately I think God has been trying to show me something and today I think I've made the realization. It's been causing me to do some thinking and this is all that is: my thoughts right now.

The other day, my laptop completely died. It wouldn't turn on at all. I still don't know what's wrong with it, how much it will cost to fix it, if I still have all my memory or not or even if it's fixable at all. In God's providence though, it broke at the perfect time: right after I had used to to finish and turn in all the work that was due that day. That same day, due to my own stupidity, I jammed the CD player in my car. I didn't realize there was already a disc inside when I went to insert another one and the whole thing jammed up. It's since been fixed but at the time it was yet another thing that broke. Just this morning I realized that I haven't seen my iPod since I last used it, which was yesterday while walking back to my car from the bus stop. I've looked everywhere: in my backpack, in my car, in my room and around the house. It's gone. It got to the point where I was looking in the same places again and again even though I knew it wasn't there. The only thing I can possibly think of is that I set it on the roof of my car while putting my stuff in it and forgot about it. I don't think that's what happened but it doesn't really matter. The bottom line is that it's nowhere to be found and I don't expect to see it again.

From a humorous point of view, one would probably wonder what else will break or go missing. At this rate, my phone will probably spontaneously explode any day now without warning. You might be thinking how I was able to use the word "humorous" in a post about having no computer and no iPod. Well, I don't think it's funny but it's definitely not the end of the world. In fact, I distinctly remember losing my iPod on the bus last year. Miraculously, it was returned to me, but that's not the point. I remember how I felt. It sucked! I was really kind of sad that I lost it and I was stressing about getting another one. This time feels different though.

Yeah, my laptop is broken. Yeah, I have no iPod now. It sucks. But it's ok. In fact, it hasn't really phased me all that much and there's a reason for that. They're just material things. Even more than that, they're luxuries. Conveniences. Right now, I can only listen to music that I have on CD, in my car and in my room. Is that anything to complain about? There are people in the world that don't have cars and have to live outside. Forget about music!

Material things don't define my happiness and I think God is trying to remind me of that. I need to remember to not try to hold on tight to all the stuff God has blessed me with, but rather hold it out with open hands, ready to lose it if I have to. Will my computer get fixed soon? Yes. Will I get another iPod again? Who knows when, but yes, probably. But as for right now, all that matters is my reaction. If this is a test, I hope I pass. I'm really no less happy than I was a few days ago and I'll you why. The things that are most valuable to me in this world are the people in my life that I love and that love me. You can't put a price tag on a loving family. Loyal friends will always be there for you when your stuff breaks and gets misplaced. Shealin means more to me than anything and everything in the world. That's something that meaningless possessions could never compete with. Losing these things the past few days hasn't been fun and I really do need my laptop fixed for school, but it's been more of a positive experience than a negative one. I think about it this way. How often do I entertain myself with music throughout the day when I could be praying and spending time with God? I could be thinking about important things regarding my faith and school instead of filling my mind with song lyrics to the point where I've memorized more songs than Bible verses. Maybe this is all God's way of drawing my attention to that fact. He'll do whatever it takes to get our attention when he needs to and in the grand scheme of things, this isn't all that bad. I can live without all my crap. I can't live without God and the ones I love. If I have that, I have everything I need.