Overwhelmed By Undeserved Grace

I was sitting alone last night after everyone else had gone to bed, doing some work, and a feeling, a realization came over me. The same realization came over me today, in a stronger way.

I was at school in Tempe, walking to the bus stop. It was beautiful out. I was done with classes. I was in a good mood. But nothing around me had anything to do with it. All of that stuff paled in comparison to what I was reminded of. God loves me.

God loves me. While I was still a sinner, Christ died for me. We hear it all the time: Christ died on the cross for our sins. Personally, however, it impacts my heart the most when I understand two things:

Who Christ is, and who I am in comparison.

Again, I say in amazement, that Christ died for me? I am a new creature in Christ; I am free to serve Him all my life. I have been set free from the bondage and slavery of sin and death, which I 100% deserved to be chained to for not only the rest of my life, but all of eternity. But Christ set me free, and while I was kicking and screaming the whole time, He rescued me with strength, yet gentleness. He showed me who I really was when I couldn’t see for myself. He saved he who was powerless to save himself, from something that he never would have desired to be free from to begin with.

Christ saved me.

While I was walking today, this truth overpowered me. Sure, I had always known it in intellect, but today, for a moment, I saw myself for who I was in comparison to Christ, and that made it all the more meaningful and powerful. For a moment, everything else faded away. My physics homework, my bank account, my dreams, my desires, and my cares grew strangely dim in the light of God’s glory and grace in my life. I felt that I needed nothing else in the world save for that, and I know that to be true. I could lose everything in life, but nothing will ever be able to separate me from the love of Christ.

This is why I just can’t help but choke up during communion every Sunday. It’s why I want to sell out to Jesus Christ. When I think about what He did for me, it incites an inevitable reaction; a reaction of obedience, devotion, and contentment.

Today I not only felt a feeling of extreme gratefulness, but also of contentment. I am genuinely satisfied and content with where I’m at in life right now, because I am experiencing the blessings of God.

It’s a hard feeling to describe. I just feel like I can see God taking my life and piecing things together before my eyes; things that were broken apart. Allow me to offer some background.

Admittedly, freshman year did not go as well as it could have gone. I was still quite immature and unsure as to how to deal with such a large transition as going off to college. I tried to do it myself. I don’t ever remember one time consciously making the decision to leave God out of the mix, but nevertheless, it happened. I relied on my own strength. I tried to deal with the workload and the stress myself; it ended up backfiring. I couldn’t handle it on my own. Here’s the kicker: God didn’t break down my door one February day and flog me for being disobedient. He did something more effective. He came to me in a quiet moment and whispered in my ear, “Remember me? You’ve been trying to live life in your own strength; how’s that working out for you?”

I had one of those what-have-I-done realizations. I felt so ashamed of myself. It was like a fog was lifted. I wondered how I had gotten where I was. Arrogance? Ignorance? Disobedience? Probably a combination of all three. But the bottom line was: sin. I was a sinner, and I have never felt that reality more strongly. But now that you have that background, this is where I’m going with this.

All that is the reason I feel the way I feel now. The person who appreciates grace the most is the one who recognizes his own sin for what it is. What God is doing in my life right now humbles me and crushes me because I realize now more than ever that I don’t deserve any of it. All I can think about is how many times I’ve failed God, and yet He showers me with life and blessing. Allow me to elaborate.

The first and most valuable way that God has blessed me is spiritual maturity. I don’t want to be the one to gauge how mature I am, but I feel a closeness to the Lord that I haven’t felt before, and I think that it comes from knowing His grace that much more. I want to seek God. I want to know His teachings, His promises, and His commandments. Perhaps it is not so much of a spiritual maturity as it is a genuine desire to reach that next level. I am still only 19 years old and have a long way to go in the matters of God, but I look forward to every step of the way. I know that it will be a long road worth traveled because you can't put a price on knowing God more.

God has also brought some amazing people into my life, as well as blessed me with some incredible opportunities and circumstances. Specifically, one of the first people God brought into my life was my good friend Daniel Doestch, who has really become my closest friend at school. I sat next to him in biology class second semester, not even realizing that he attended my old church. Since then, we’ve conquered two classes together, including a summer physics class, invented lots of really nerdy jokes, and really enjoyed a blessed friendship. I really couldn’t imagine school right now without such a good, edifying friend.

An additional blessing and massive answer to prayer came a few months back in the form of a random Facebook friend request by Cameron Keith; he, as well as his sisters Jenna and Delaine, had been at a going-away party that I also attended. God used that one friend request to introduce me to an entire new group of friends, through which I met even more new friends. Never could I have imagined all this happening in my life, but God made it happen. I have the privilege of interacting with my newfound friends the Keiths and Steven several times a week: having a guy’s study and discussion with Cameron and Steven, teaching Cameron and Delaine guitar, and being a part of a college group on the GCC north campus. I was searching and praying that God would lead me to a place, a group where I could meet with other believers. He opened up not one, but two such groups: Men of Honor and Fellowship of College Christians. Steven, Cameron, and I are meeting biweekly, discussing spiritual matters and how we can better live for Christ.  I was praying that God would give me an opportunity to use what I had to serve Him. Delaine and I lead worship music at GCC.

All this in the course of a few months. Who does this? God does.

It’s overwhelming what He does. It’s overwhelming what He’s capable of doing. It’s a powerful thing to realize just how much God does for me, who can do so little for him. It’s a powerful thing to know the perfect love of God. That that overwhelming love pushes me to love Him back. It puts things in perspective. It gives me peace and joy. I don’t care what happens in life, I’ll always have God. I could lose all my family, friends, and possessions, and I’d still have God. That is enough for me. It’s a good feeling going through life knowing you have everything you need. That is why today, I felt peace. I felt joy. I felt complete contentment.

It’s because I have Christ.